aft talking to the girls tt night,

things i've been tryin to cope with surfaced.

in health psychology, they'd prolly call this mental disengagement gone wrong.

haha.

dun get me wrong, i'm honestly, truly happy for all my frens.

in a matter of days (if u view the glass as half-full), most of u would

finish ur schooling life.

and step into the realm of true adulthood.

and then i look at myself.

righhht.

i'm told it's normal to feel this way,

who wouldnt be nervous about not being spoonfed anymore?

more so for me, with all these probs with my skol life, even.

Insya'Allah, my turn would come at the end of the year.

yup, I am graduating a semester later cos of all the probs i had,

leave of absence and all.

i honestly cant describe the way i'm feeling.
sad, tt i'd be alone soon.

happy, tt i stuck on despite it all, and gettin closer to my degree.

nervous, thinking of wad comes next.

worried, tt i'd end up nowhere.

i've heard success stories as well as freaky ones.

and blame it on stupidity, i actually went for the career fair at suntec.

i felt so lost, it's like being in my own thoughts.

where do i go from here?

bleargh.

i'm thankful tho, tt i have my parents who consoled me,

bear hugs from mum, and nenek who subtly cheers me up every night this past

week with a cup of hot milo. when i need it the most.

frens who listen, and understand.

and of cos, san, who is feeling the same way as i am.

but of cos, is handling it better than me.

i'm so sorry i'm so cranky these days.

maybe it's the time of the mth. i hope.

i've been channeling every ounce of my energy on my studies.

i know i have other probs at hand,

but to put it as-a-matter-of-fact, i just cant be bothered.

i cant be bothered about the cold shoulders i still get from some ppl.

being me, i know normally i'd sought to clear my name.

i cant be bothered about things abt me tt i've heard from other ppl.

normally i'd write a bitchy entry their way.

i cant be bothered with san's prob with his ex.

normally i'd clear the mess. (ally, i noe u'd read this,

i hope u understand y i've been very passive when u told me

abt ur displeasure with san)

i'm just not normal these days?

i dunno. i need to focus on the important things in my life.

i'm already very tired.

i will hardly have any break from this pt onwards.

and i'm taking special semester.

and then another semester aft that.

i hope i can hang on til dec.

and den it'll be a whole new prob, tryin to figure out wad to do with my life.

if u wonder why i'm writing all my unhappiness down,

it's cos research has proven tt ppl are generally happier with their lives

if they choose to pen down and express all their sadness, doubts and worries.

maybe it's like cleansing the soul. shrugz.

research has also proven tt ppl who pen down their hapy moments,

generally don't view those moments as that special anymore.

that's social cognition there. i think.

shyt, i'm talking nonsense.


i need to dance.

someone, dance with me?

ps: actually, it's an english essay that i have to do.