bedok was flooded just now.

it was scary. thank gdness i wasnt wearing shoes.

but i wore a long skirt, and i had to hang on to it

for dear life.

it rained so suddenly, so heavily.

which is exactly wad's happening to me.

i never saw it coming, and when it came,

it hit me with a sickening thud, practically sucked up all de wind in me,

and pretty much left me breathless, and gasping for air.

that's how bad it is right now.

why must this happen now?

save for the afternoon with de bimbo gals (affectionate term ok)

and de dearest bf,

i thot abt it all the time.

it never really left my mind.

i've never really thot i'm perfect, i noe i'm not.

onli when i wanna be farnee and be all manja and tell ppl i'm cute.

but now, it dawned on me how imperfect some ppl think i am.

i cant even bear to tell my nenek and my mum,

cos i really dun want to break their hearts.

i cant even talk to anyone abt it without shedding a tear.

there isnt an ounce of anger in me, onli pure sadness.

i wish i am those kinda girls who dressed skimpily,

den if ppl show their displeasure, at least i can change my clothing easily.

but if it's me in general, wad do i say?

i cant help it if i warm up to ppl tt slowly.

but i just hope ppl would give me a chance, give me time.

not everyone can warm up on cue.

u all haf no idea how badly i'm crying as i type all this down.

i've never cried this bad since... i duno.

i just hope that He would give me petunjuk on wad i should do now.

i don want to drag anyone into my abyss of depression,

but i do hope tt u all pray tt everything will blow over soon.

Am I not pretty enough? Is my heart too broken
Do I cry too much? Am I too outspoken
Don't I make you laugh? Should I try it harder
Why do you see right through me

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

ps : the objective, not self-obsessed post will have to wait for now.