what a self-explanatory title.

haha.

anyway, first up, credits to mary for de pretty main pic

for this blog. =)

i love it, do u?

this morning, i was sad.

had a few stuff in my head.

abt the future.

i haven thought abt the future since i broke up.

everyday i live for the moment,

although its a careless, dangerous way of living,

it's de onli way i noe how right now.

last nite tho, i was shown a path which i could take

in the future.

and that got me thinkin.

perhaps u all should know tt before de break up,

me n him realised tt we were gonna graduate/ORD ard de same time.

the prospect of stepping into adulthood together

seems to be a wonderful idea.

especially if we both decided to become teachers and join nie

togeder-geder.

so nurain, being miss idealistic, started having ideas aft ideas.

and den it crashed on her. sakit tau.

tt's why i dun dare think abt the future, til last nite.

i got my life laid out in front of me,

and i realised, it's gonna be ok without him.

promises then seemed like he was tellin me wad WILL happen,

not wad MAY happen.

but on the other hand, de promises seemed like i was gonna haf

a charmed life. i wanna haf a charmed life.

i noe it's stupid to hold on to the past not cos u love de guy

but cos u want de promises to happen.

tt's why ppl, trusting him too much,

with everything he said or did,

never once occured to me tt he'll run off like this,

makes me think tt i will find it hard to trust another person again.

call me stupid, but yes, i did love him with all my heart

and soul. yes, i wanted to grow old with him,

i wanted him to be the father of my kids.

yes yes yes. aku bodo, aku tau.

i believed him when he said he wanted all tt too.

perhaps, some of u dunno my life before him.

my previous ex, he left me like this too.

(aper teruk sgt ke aku?)

when san came, he told me i didnt deserve to be treated this way.

he pampered me for de whole 2.5 yrs like no other outsiders could.

there was once, i was bored of his temper.

i was on the verge of leaving.

we talked, and we agreed tt we wun ever be de type to just

pack and go. hah, blardy hah.

i've been treated like this not once, but twice.

and it seems to get worse each time.

true, it's unfair if i shortchange myself and get scared of love.

but now, my guard is so high up tt i don think i'll let anyone

in tt easily.

i myself wonder when de day will come when i let myself in on

the idea tt maybe there's someone who will finally treat me right.

it seems ridiculous isnt it,

tt i am like this because ppl take advantage of the fact

tt i care too much, love too much, am too loyal.

takkan i wanna change tt abt myself.

so how?

ps: this entry is not abt any of my exs, but since they were

part of my life, of cos they haf to be mentioned.

so yea, this entry isnt abt u, jgn prasan ok. thanks. =)

other news... i went to catch The DaVinci Code yesterday.

actually we bought de tix like on sunday.

great movie la, if u read de book,

the changes made are not tt drastic.

and ok fine, tom hanks as robert langdon is acceptable.

(i thought richard gere, well, a younger version of richard gere,

would be a better choice)

de movie's quite long la, by de end of it,

me n ryu got hungry.

ate at qiji. with another fren we met there.

funny to hear ryu n him talk abt their sec sch days.

abt big specs la, britney spears.

nonsense. was laughing all de way.

aft tt, was late for a meeting at 4PM.hehe.

sorrie thira =p

but i guess ok la, the things i am delegated to,

are quite manageable cos i've done it before.

used to seek his help when i designed posters last time too,

but i think i'll do just fine.

and i need someone who can do graffiti too.

anyone? ok i got one in my head.

if u think u are de one i am thinkin of,

kindly contact me okie dokie?

hehe.

aft tt, stayed for a bit for mentor interview.

i haf alwaes liked interviews. yea weird i noe.

but i like talking abt myself la.

as u all can see.

and interviewers alwaes seem to be interested

so ok la, i talk, they listen.

went home, talked on de fone til 1+.

den de fone died on me.

thank gdness if not i wun noe wad other crappy things

we will talk abt.

this reminds me.

i was dared to talk abt my soft toys.

but tt will take another entry.

yes i am emotionally attached to my soft toys.

but at least they wun break up with me. hrmph.