hey you.

thanks for last nite.

had a great time. =)

yesterday, a lot of thots were in my head.

i think my fren noticed it,

cos he ended up advising me instead.

my frens noe, very well in fact, tt i love

talking abt myself. haha.

wad ppl dunno, is tt, these days

when ppl go, "so tell me bout urself",

i wun go into a rapid fire talk all bout me me me.

not anymore.

i tend to talk less, think more.

perhaps everything tt i went thru, makes me lose track

of hu i really am.

or maybe perhaps, i did change, and i am not sure how.

this morning, i was reading my testimonials.

one by one.

all 95 of em.

some of em, i'm not even talkin to em anymore.

i even read de ones from my ex bfs.

after all tt, de words "smiley", "crazy", "cute", "happy",

registered in my head.

and i thot abt wad my fren commented abt me.

tt i haf 2 kinds of smiles.

de forced one when i try to convince ppl and myself tt i am happy,

and de real one, de one when i am really happy bout sth.

said tt i tend to smile de fake smile more often now.

when i was at de lowest point of my life a few mths ago,

i walked ard the house like a zombie.

barely said a word to anyone.

made my family members unhappy.

esp my nenek. and i do not want to make my nenek sad.

so wad i did was made a playlist of songs,

de kind tt u can scream ur lungs out and jump ard.

started singing, laughing, smiling.

finally my family was ok again.

i did my job.

well, psychological research shows tt if u make urself smile,

(ie. clench a pencil between ur teeth)

u'll actually feel happier than if u make urself frown.

(ie. clench a pencil between ur lips.

so perhaps, if u fake a smile, eventually, u'll feel it inside ur heart.

ps: i cried buruk2 when brazil lost. and i watched de match alone. so yea. was so merepek. but.. i haf to comment tt france was good. zidane was superb. i'm rooting on em to win de world cup. so to de fans of de azzuris, darlings, ur fav team is a bunch of actors and divers. how to win de cup? =p